Sober Minded

sobriety

noun  so·bri·ety  \ sə-ˈbrī-ə-tē , sō- \'

Definition of sobriety          

:the quality or state of being sober        

Origin and Etymology of sobriety

Middle English sobrete, from Anglo-French sobreté, from Latin sobrietat-, sobrietas, from sobrius

Synonyms

earnest, graveness, gravity, intentness, serious-mindedness,  seriousness, soberness, earnestness, solemnity, solemnness, staidness

Antonyms

facetiousness, flightiness, flippancy, frivolity, frivolousness, levity, lightheartedness, 

lightness, play, unseriousness

Today, October 6, 2017, marks one full year since Sara and I both had our last drink of alcohol of any kind. Over the past few years, we have faced a number of obstacles. We used to escape the day to day by drowning our tribulations in gin and whiskey. Though I do have an appreciation for a top shelf bourbon on the rocks, I decided I could maintain my appreciation without actually partaking. Upon realizing how much of the memories Sara and I have made together had been forgotten due to being intoxicated by more than just each other, we made the decision to stop our use of alcohol immediately. It is difficult for most to admit when something has become out of their own control, but we are fortunate to have each other for accountability and therefore, together, we took back our control. Our situation did not change, in fact it got heavier, but the way we dealt with the things that were thrown at us changed tremendously. Along with attempting to drink away the trials that we were being pulled through, I feel as though during that time I was also using alcohol to escape what had become obvious to me regarding my gender identity. I was simply not ready to face what I had already known about my true self. It is said that any one person is capable of dealing with only a certain amount of stress, and while alcohol did not take away any of that stress, it did help me mask it...for a short amount of time. I am so thankful for the wonderful changes and improvements that have come to Sara and me this past year even through the tough times. We have experienced so many moments of growth and understanding, and thank God we are able to remember it all! 

Speaking of changes, a lot of changes can take place within a very short amount of time. Ever tried one of those Pinterest money saving challenges or weight loss challenges? Well, mine wasn't exactly a challenge, and it doesn't end in just a certain amount of days, weeks, months, or years. My process is ongoing. Just six days ago marked my 100th day on HRT. When I was waiting to begin testosterone, one week of waiting seemed like such a long time and I couldn't even imagine the next few days, weeks, or months. However, here I am, 100+ days later and they've gone by so quickly. During what seems like such little time now, I have experienced tremendous changes. These changes go beyond the first 100 days on testosterone, as my transformation began well before I began any hormones. The physical changes are evident, but the emotional, mental, and spiritual changes are most interesting and significant.

Over the past 100 days, I have experienced (from others and of myself) humility, open-mindedness, gratitude, and a better understanding of society. I will say, as I've mentioned in previous posts, I have truly had an easy transition thus far. I have not come across much resistance, and instead have been met with acceptance, respect, genuine curiosity, and even a few questions from others interested in educating themselves. These questions have not regarded the validity of my gender identity, rather questions to help them reach a better understanding, and to have the opportunity to educate those who are not trans or do not have an understanding of being transgender is encouraging and empowering in itself. I've been careful not to share information where it is not welcome, and typically only when prompted to give additional information. I have found my "niche" within my faith, and I am finally able to embrace my queer Christian identity. Prior to my transition, when I was living as and being perceived as lesbian, I was reluctant to identify as queer, and mostly tried to keep my sexuality and my faith separate. However, many things come with living an authentic life and being your authentic self. Oddly enough, I have even found a better place in society. It seems as though there is more purpose in the things that I do, say, and think. I find that I am interested in placing myself around different people, people with purpose. Basically, things seem to "fit" better, and that is a wonderful feeling.

 Pre T (approx. 22 y.o.)                  3 months on T (27 y.o.)

"My main focus in sobriety has been to replace fear with faith or love."  Steve-O

Thanks for reading. Be kind and respect one another.

Eliot