On the evening of Thanksgiving, Sara and I were out battling the crowds for Black Friday shopping and we ran into my godparents at Belk. Everything seemed pretty normal, we all hugged and were chatting. I noticed my godmother was looking at me a little more than usual, but I assumed she had read my email and was just looking for noticeable changes...that was not the case. She and my godfather invited us to their house to have dinner (Thanksgiving leftovers) after we wrapped up with shopping for the evening. Of course we didn't turn down her good cooking, so we went our separate ways to then meet back up at their house later. Once we got there, my godmother began using my birth name. So, I thought, "Ok, did she not get it? Did she read it but didn't understand that she is to call me Eliot?" Throughout dinner she continued to use my birth name and feminine pronouns. "WTF?," I thought. Sara and I kept exchanging looks as we were confused and couldn't tell whether or not they had gotten my email. As we were leaving, we hugged them goodbye and I asked my godmother, "Did you happen to get my email?" She replied, "The one about Christmas ideas for you two?" I said, "No, the one about me." She told me that she had only gotten one from me regarding Christmas shopping ideas for Sara and myself. I said, "Oh, ok. I will just resend it." She then began inquiring about the email, wanting me to tell her what it was about RIGHT THERE, ON THE SPOT. Yikes! I kind of panicked, because this is not the way I imagined this playing out. She continued asking me questions, and was growing more concerned. I finally said, "Ok, I know you and I do not see eye to eye on certain issues, especially issues of sexuality and gender." She chimed in, "No, we do not." I continued, "I wrote an email carefully and delicately explaining to you that I am transitioning." I then waited for her to respond. She was frozen. Shocked by the news, she said sharply, "Really?" I responded as I resent the email from my phone, "Yes, really. Please just read the email, I just resent it." Then Sara and I left for home.
I didn't hear anything from them until I got the reply in my email about two weeks ago. Sara and I were sitting in our living room when I decided to check my email, and sure enough, there it was. Let me just put it simply, it wasn't good. And yes, the email contained a few of the "clobber passages." Oddly though, I felt nothing as I read the contents of their email. This is the moment I have been dreading, the entire reason I procrastinated telling them, the reason I had so much anxiety leading up to clicking send, and I felt nothing? Why? When I say I felt "nothing," I should clarify. I didn't feel hurt, pain, or sadness for myself. I did feel slightly confused, ever so slightly relieved, and ultimately I felt pity on them. I believe the pity came from the insensitivity and thoughtlessness of the email that was riddled with guilt and misinformation. I had taken measures in crafting a very delicate, very thoughtful email that I thought would be evident to them. However, in regard to their reply, I suppose I didn't feel much hurt because I had gotten myself to a place where I didn't really expect anything at all. Not one way or the other. I guess that's maybe where the feeling of relief came in, maybe I was just glad to have gotten a response so that I would no longer anticipate it. Then, a few hours later, I began to feel. I think I was (am) mostly disappointed. That feeling has lasted a while now. However, I did carefully and prayerfully respond. I sent an email explaining my gender identity and that my being transgender (and on behalf of others that are anything other than cis-gendered/hetero-normative) does not disqualify me from being a Christian or being loved by our Savior. I included some scripture within my reply email, and I closed by stating that our views do not have to align for us to have a loving relationship. It has been a few days now, and I have yet to receive a reply. We did not have our traditional Christmas gift exchange this year, so I sent the gifts I bought for them with my mom to deliver to them. I sent a Merry Christmas text, and received a simple Merry Christmas message in response. I suppose that's a start!
This struggle with my godparents has come at such an interesting time. I want to develop a solid response, not only for this particular situation, but for any conversation I might have in the future when met with adversity. I'm quite proud of the way I responded, and I hope to become more readily able to give a response to non-affirming individuals when confronted about my identity. As a matter of fact, I will be involved in some excellent training in the coming months, as I was selected to attend the Reformation Project 2018 Cohort in Chicago. I was thrilled to have gotten the news, and I am so ready for all that there is to learn and experience.
Sara and I had a quiet Christmas morning together with our fur babies, opening gifts, and cooking food for lunch. We spent Christmas day with my mom, dad, and grandma. We had a great time, and had a lovely visit. My parents are SO much more welcoming and supportive than they were a few months ago. They all use my preferred name and pronouns (or correct themselves if they slip up), and they are all around more understanding than ever before it seems.
Happy New Year, everyone!
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| 1.5 months on T 6 months on T |
"But I'm not the girl who changes into flats because my feet are tired at the end of the night. I go the distance. I go all the way." -Dita Von Teese
Thank you for reading. Be kind and respect one another.
Eliot
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