Coming Out: Take Two

The relief of finally being true to yourself is beyond compare. I had to spend quite a bit of time allowing myself to set aside all fears, preexisting opinions, and even some bigotry. See, for some time prior to my having come to terms with my trans identity, I had allowed social pressures to instill within me a disdain toward transgender individuals. I fully identified with them, but everything I was taught from childhood told me that I could not be "like them." I finally came around to support the trans community well before I came out as trans myself.  After thoughtfully and prayerfully approaching my gender identity, I came to the same conclusion that I came to years back after prayerfully considering my being attracted to women. In both instances, I felt such an overwhelming peace when I finally allowed myself to admit and acknowledge my true self, but this time was different and felt much more satisfying.

In this post I was planning to write about why and how I had not informed my parents that I am trans. However, those plans changed after last Sunday's sermon at church and after spending a few hours with my mom and grandmother. It did become taxing on myself and Sara to refer to me as my birth name and to use female pronouns. It got exhausting because it was an act, a charade. After leaving my grandmother's house Sara let me know how upsetting it was to her for me that we had to do that, and from there we discussed the sermon we had previously heard at church that morning. The sermon involved taking a leap of faith and taking that step that you've been avoiding, taking the steps "close-in." And so, I did. Later that evening I typed out what I needed to say, procrastinated for a while, then I sent it to both of my parents individually. I will include screenshots of what I sent to them, and their responses. The first response I got was from my dad, and I can't explain how much of a relief it was to read his words. Dad's words were so relieving and touching that Sara cried and I was left speechless. My mom's response was not so touching, however it could have been worse.

I'm excited about my transition, and I feel so good about it that I do not want to hide who I am from anyone. I'm at such a peaceful place that I knew when I did decide to come out to my family, no matter the response, I would be relieved, and I am. I knew that I couldn't control their reactions, and that all I can ever do is be honest with them. Years back, when I had to tell my family that I was interested in women, I came out to my parents well before I came out to my godparents and my god-grandparents. I put off telling them because I was terrified of disappointing them and even more terrified of losing them. Once I told them, however, they took it much better than my parents had. Unfortunately, the way people view homosexual individuals v. transgender individuals is not always similar or the same. Especially considering the demographic in which I live does not include a high population of trans individuals. I was, and still am, a bit concerned that my family is not as informed about trans related topics as they are about homosexuality, therefore resulting in uneducated and misguided opinions. Which is why I included in my text that I do not expect them to understand immediately, and that they are welcome to ask me questions. I believe that questions and open communication are so critical in understanding one another. I truly want my parents, and others, to ask me questions so that they can be informed. I welcome any and all questions, no matter how invasive or ignorant they might initially seem. I am not sensitive or easily triggered, therefore I'd love to use my being trans as a platform on behalf of those who might not be able to handle a number of questions regarding their gender, anatomy, sexuality, etc.

I have not informed my godparents or god-grandmother of my being trans, but even after only having come out to my parents I have had such a huge weight lifted and can be even more excited about my transition. As I mentioned earlier, I am including the text conversation that I had with each of my parents regarding telling them that I am trans. I hope this will be helpful to someone. Again, feel free to leave questions or comments, but please be respectful.

Be kind and respect one another.


Eliot

*I do want to make one thing clear in reference to my mom's response. I do not believe God makes mistakes. I do not believe I was a mistake, or that my birth sex was a mistake. I feel as though I was born exactly the way God intended and I would not be the person I am today if I had been born cis-male. Do I wish I had been born cis-male? Yes, of course part of me does wish that. However, am I thankful for the life experience I have due to not being born cis-male? Yes.


Thanks for reading.